Week 37: The Husband Deserves a Raise or How to Keep the Pregnant Wife Happy

(Oh, double entendre.  You make my life so much more fun.)

Conversation while driving me to the train station:

• Me:  I suck at my job.
• Hubby:  No, you don’t suck at your job sweetie.
• Me:  I do too!  I suck.  Suckity suck suck at my job.
• Hubby:  You can’t say that– you’re doing great!  It’s not your fault the baby ate your brain.

Looking back at the past few weeks, I realize that my husband has been pretty incredible.  I don’t know if it’s because of the book I got him to prepare him for the past few months (and next couple of months), but I have a sneaking suspicion that he’s just a good man.  You know, the kind that is hard to find.  Especially since he thought the author of the book was kind of a pussy.

There are a few things that the husband does that have made my pregnancy a lot easier and very pleasant.   If you knocked up your wife/girlfriend/mistress this might keep you out of the doghouse … or at least get you fewer evil glares.

1. Tell her she’s beautiful, preferably once a day.  Even when she is beached on the bed in a whale-like state and unwilling to get out of it.
2. Tell her you love her.  ALL THE TIME.
3. Tell her she’s doing a great job at being a wife/mother/employee/sex siren.
4. Do more of her chores, and volunteer to do it consistently.  Don’t stop doing it, keep doing it so that she doesn’t have one other thing to worry about.  And do your chores too, or for the love of god, pick up your own damn socks.
5. Encourage the hiring of a maid, even if it’s just for one really deep cleaning in the third trimester.
6. Buy her snazzy jewelry.  Real jewelry.  Like diamond studs. 
7. Don’t pressure for sex, but definitely encourage her to feel sexy.  Even if she doesn’t feel sexy, you can help her feel sexy by doing number 1 and 2, and possibly whispering sweet nothings in her ear.
8. Make dinner.  Get take out.  But don’t make her make dinner.  And ALWAYS asks what SHE wants to eat.  Because your BBQ chicken just might make her leave the house and go to her mom’s.
9. Surprise her with a clean house.  I know, it relates to #5, but it really works to lift the spirits.
10. Get her a spa day.  She’ll need it.  And you’ll appreciate it in the end too.
11. Love her new body.  I know it may not be as hot as her old body, or hey, maybe you like the swollen, engorged look, but love her new body without any remorse of her old.  After all, it’s kind of like you’re getting a completely different woman to love now.  With improved, larger glands!

That’s all I got for now, but I’m sure there will be more once the baby stops eating my brain.

Week 36: So this is what getting kicked in the groin feels like.

Ah.  Pregnancy.  I am running towards your finish line, knowing that at the end, I will have a baby in my arms and new joyous pain.  But, no one ever told me that in my last leg of this race I was going to feel like someone has kicked me in my box.

I don’t know where this came from, this fleeting, bruised sensation that makes me wonder if this what gang bang victims feel like afterwards, but seriously, this is some kind of crazy pain.  Not excrutiating, not agonizing, but pain that makes you go “Seriously?  WTF?”  It’s like a discomfort that makes you wince when you walk, squat, or move– a pain that makes you understand why some women don’t get out of bed during these nine months.  It’s uncomfortable like an awkwardly placed bruise.  And there’s no explanation for it because it’s fleeting (so I can’t imagine it’s baby head pressure) and because I can’t find a definitive answer for it and am too lazy to look.  I’d rather bitch about it for a couple more lines of a blog entry, because I can, and because someone might laugh out loud at work enough to snarf up their morning coffee.  I hope your keyboard isn’t ruined.

Things have been interesting this past week:  I went to the doctor’s office on Tuesday and found out that I was 1 cm dilated and 70% effaced.  Which, after reading all this mumbo-jumbo about being pregnant you would think meant that I was going to go into labor that very day… but no.  I can be at like 3 cm dilated and 90% effaced for weeks and still not give birth to a baby.  So, my initial excitment of having this kid was completely diminished by reality– I’m still fucking pregnant. 

But the next day, I lost my mucus plug.  For some people, according to pregnancy literature, it’s like a giant ball of snot in your panties.  For me, it was a discharge with brown and pink streaks, like some post-modern expressionistic art on my clean white panties.  (BTW, for future reference, don’t wear white panties while pregnant.  It will just gross you out whenever you do laundry.)  I know this is TMI, but frankly, it’s the only way to explain why I decided to go get my hoo-ha checked out.  Because you don’t know what this groin pain/pelvic pain plus mucus plug feeling is and hell, you might as well figure it out.

Initially I just wanted to go to my OB’s office but they wouldn’t let me just get my cervix checked– I called two nurses before finally accepting their advice and seeing someone in the hospital, where I waited a long time to see an OB who told me that a) I’m fine. and b) the baby is doing great and c) I’m not in labor and what I’m describing is not labor. 

No.  Really.  I mean, I could have told you that.  But couldn’t you have reassured me over the phone?

“We like to be extra careful here.”  -  Midwife from Johns Hopkins Hospital

That’s nice.  But you better let me have my sushi and champagne after this baby pops out of me though.  Lest I throw a crazy fit and bring on the apocalypse.

FYI: Baltimore City School Fair

Baltimore City School and Children’s Program Fair

“Our family loves living in the City, but WHERE are we going to send our kids to school?” “What about classes like ballet, martial arts, sports, and music? I don’t want to drive to the burbs for these opportunities!” Are these familiar questions in your house? If so, the Downtown Baltimore Family Alliance wants to help your family with answering these important questions.

On November 7, 2009 from 9 a.m. to noon, we will be hosting our second annual school and children’s programming fair—“Keeping Education Local: Early Childhood, School, and Programming Options for Downtown Baltimore Families” at Hampstead Hill Academy, 500 S Linwood Ave, Baltimore, MD 21224.

The fair will feature exhibitors from various local, walkable school options (elementary to high school), early childhood centers (pre-schools and daycares), as well as children’s programming options including dance, martial arts, fine arts, sports, and music classes available to families residing in downtown Baltimore neighborhoods.

Discovering Baltimore City Schools: The Saga Begins with My Tummy

I grew up in one of the best school districts in the country and went to one of the top high schools in the country in Howard County, MD.  It’s needless to say that I’m a little worried about sending my kids to public school in Baltimore City.  Afterall, if you were given the best public education your parents could give, shouldn’t you give the same to your own kids?  Isn’t that what being a parent is all about?  And isn’t it a bit selfish to want to stay in the city so you can walk to work, walk to the grocery story, tailgate for Ravens games in your backyard, and have spontaneous trips to Camden Yards instead of living in some quiet suburban idyll?

I’m really torn about moving out of the city.  In all cases, unless I move to Prince George’s County (which has a worse educational program than Baltimore City), my commute does not improve.  But I would like to have a great schools and still maintain some of the quality of living standards we have.  I know that’s selfish, but I work really hard to be able to live this way and I’m not sure I’m ready to give that up for a $3000/month mortage, chain restaurants, and a minivan.

So it’s time to really evaluate the City Schools on a personal level, not just grades and performance, but teachers and programs.  To see what is out there for the students and if and how the programs address kids with special needs or who are gifted and talented.  To determine whether or not to stay in the City or to leave for suburbia.  To start evaluating Baltimore City schools and see if it’s a lost cause or see if there is some way of making it work. 

It’s the beginning of the saga, and it begins with food.

Being 8 months pregnant and hungry all of the time gives you a different perspective on food.  It’s not just sustenance, or a necessary evil, it is the end all be all:  if I am hungry and I want to eat, I will eat and thereisnothingyoucandotostopme.  Even if it means eating the person next to me or stealing a french fry, so be it, I will do it.  I think about kids in btown that have similar hunger pangs and I can’t imagine being able to learn or concentrate when all I can think about is eating food.  Any kind of food.  But definitely some kind of food and preferably not the person sitting next to them.

It turns out though, that Baltimore City has a universal breakfast program for kids, such that any kid can get a free breakfast without cost.  It’s supposed to reduce the stigma against kids that can’t afford breakfast in the morning but also has some other great benefits:  better participation and scores in classes, reduction in tardiness, and additional federal grant money.  Hooray!

The lunch menu  didn’t look bad either, and although I haven’t actually had a school lunch, I was impressed.  Asian stir-fry with snow peas?  Fresh fruit?  Side Salads?  That to me was fantastic compared to my memories of mystery meat and mashed potatoes– and really actually reassuring to me that my kids would be okay with school provided lunch.  (Although, I did love my french fries with gravy as a kid.)  And hold on– they use local produce and Baltimore City has their own 33-acre farm to help provide the school system with an educational means of providing food for the kids?

To top it all off, Baltimore City was recognized recently the Johns Hopkins Center for a Livable Future for being the first Meatless Mondays school system in the country.  And if you look at the Monday menu, the options aren’t bad: vegetarian chili, pasta primavera, grilled cheese, plus some other choices.  I don’t recall that kind of incentive in the county, nor do I remember any drive to make the county’s school lunch program sustainable, although in all fairness, that was DECADES ago.

Still, this kind of news really impresses me– a school system driven to provide healthier, sustainable food for students.  It really appeals to my county girl, hippy, liberal mentalities.  I will definitely have to check out the food in the future, but seriously, BCPSS:  you have gained a point on the PRO side for staying in the city.

Netflix Baby DVDs – What to Watch, What not to Watch

I’m not one of those soon-to-be-moms that always knew that I would be a mom.  So when I found out I was pregnant, I decided to read and watch everything about it.  This includes the Netflix DVDs that dealt with birthing or newborn care.  The following is a quickie review of the ones I have watched so far, what is good about them, what is bad about them, and whether or not I would watch them again.  I will note that I’m not a pro-homebirther and I tend to like informational movies versus sentimental ones.

The Laugh and Learn Series – About Childbirth

This DVD is by far the best “childbirth DVD” out on Netflix.  I felt that it was very thorough in describing the stages of labor and what to ask in regards to your labor progress.  The pros were that you learned a lot from the one DVD and she was actually pretty funny.  The con was the Viacord ad in the middle, but you ignore that.  Everything else was just practical knowledge.  A definite watch– I made the hubby watch it too.

The Laugh and Learn Series – Newborn Care

I felt that this was a little short, but because it was only an hour long, it wasn’t unbearable.  I also appreciated the use of a real baby for bathing and swaddling, which was much better than say, having a doll to practice on.  Pros:  Learn how to swaddle and bath a baby.  Con:  Didn’t feel like it covered everything.  It was worth it to watch for the two items, but you will definitely need to watch another.

The Laugh and Learn Series – Breastfeeding

(I need to somehow be able to stifle the immature giggle fits whenever I see breasts in these DVDs.  I mean, I know they’re going to show them in the breastfeeding DVD– it is about breasts!)  I really enjoyed watching this DVD because everyone was telling me that breastfeeding is HARD.  But seeing someone else do it, seeing the positions, and ways of doing it was really helpful, especially the tips to make engorgement easier and the way to breastfeed.  (Sheri advocates 15 minutes on each side and pump the rest out.  I know that’s not how they tell people to do it now, but it does seem like a viable alternative.)  Pros:  Very thorough breastfeeding DVD.  Cons:  Boob alert!  A definite yes for the queue.

The Baby Whisperer

Do not watch this DVD if you get creeped out by a blonde woman whispering to babies and talking about how babies feel.  I’m sorry– I just couldn’t take it.  She had some useful tips, but in general I wanted to gag the entire time.  I did like her tip of talking to the baby and explaining what you were doing but her reasoning for it was ridiculous.  I understand how some women would love her books, but man, the DVD is a waste of time.

The Baby Human

I loved this DVD– I just found all of the “experiments” fascinating.  It’s definitely good for those of you that are geeking out a little over the baby. 

The Baby Human 2

Isn’t as good as The Baby Human.  It’s really not as fascinating and I found that a lot of the conclusions weren’t as plausible, although I’m not an expert in this in any way.  I just also wasn’t as interested in the topics, although I can see how others would be.  It’s not worth the time.

The Business of Being Born

This movie is essentially propoganda AGAINST hospitals and FOR midwives and homebirthing (which is another entry for me to tackle another time.)  I found it extremely biased, but more importantly, ignorant and blase of the scientific breakthroughs that have made labor better for people. 

I wouldn’t recommend watching this movie at all, except that I found in enpowering in one way:  LEARN TO DEMAND CONTROL OVER YOUR OWN LABOR.  I think that knowledge over everything else will help you have a better labor and this DVD helped me see that.  I definitely won’t be homebirthing (bloody sheets and sitting a pool of blood, amniotic fluid, and fecal matter doesn’t appeal to me) but the message of controlling your own birth in the hospital setting hit home.  In combination with the LandL:  About Childbirth DVD, I feel a little bit more in control of my labor, or at least what I want out of my labor. 

Orgasmic Birth

I swear I did not make this name up.

After watching the Business of Being Born, I was expecting to hate this DVD.  But, despite the labor porn and the moaning, and the crazy woman Amber in the end (yes, I know!) I actually liked the movie.  It was still propaganda against hospitals, but the difference between this movie and the Business of Being Born was the relationship of the man and the woman in birthing.  Instead of having the woman screaming “I hate you for doing this to me!” or the man not really doing much at all during birthing, the woman and man were kissing and touching and supporting each other in labor– and I found THAT amazing.  I mean, I have been prepared this past few months to scream obscenities at the hubby during delivery, but the concept that we could be massaging each other and kissing each other during labor was really rather enlightening.  I really would love if my husband would kiss me and tell me that I’m going a great job and massage my lower back during labor.    That and the movie did re-emphasize the need for women to tune into their bodies instead of listening to someone else about what to do with their bodies, and taking control over their own labor, was nicer in this DVD.  It was less about FEAR and more about self-confidence. 

I do recommend this DVD.  I mean, there are times where I laughed out loud inappropriately, but I liked the overall message.  There is still some fear-mongering, but I felt that you could still get something out of the movie to take to the hospital and have it apply there.

Bringing Baby Home

Okay, a lot of this was review by now, except for one thing:  THE CARSEAT CAN BE INSTALLED ON A ROLLED UP TOWEL FOR PROPER ANGLING.  That was completely new!  Oh, and it was great to see a baby fart and poop while being bathed– it just made the whole thing so much more realistic.  I didn’t like the whole recovery timeline though– it made it sound like I could just bounce up a day after delivery.  I want my full 6 weeks!!!

I found it more thorough, although a bit more anal too, than the LandL: Newborn Care DVD.  So it’s a definitely watch.

 ***

And that’s all of the DVDs I’ve watched so far. I’ve got a few more on the queue, but I think I might skip them.  I would definitely recommend Bringing Baby Home, The Laugh and Learn DVDs, Orgasmic Birth, and the Baby Human 1– about 7 hours of DVDs.

Week 35: Back from DC

I just had a half a week of commuting from a hotel room in downtown DC to my job in Alexandria.  Metro ride was 25 minutes and there was maybe a total of 15 minutes walking each way.  Comparing this to my heinous 2 hour train ride every day each way is like comparing heaven and hell– they are polar opposites in every way.  I still love my job… I just really hate my commute.  How I suffer for my husband to not ever have to get in a car to go to work!!!

… … …

My husband is one lucky son-of-a-gun for finding me as his wife.

I have never been one for mass. Sorry Grandma.

Hanoori Town, Catonsville MD

My mother and I have a Sunday tradition that has stemmed from a) me living 25 minutes away from her, b) Ben working on Sundays and c) not being really religious, despite the Catholic heritage (which is a whole other entry!)   The tradition is simple:  get together with mom for shopping and lunch.  And preferably, do not spend a fortune on either.  This can mean a lot of things:  dim sum, hamburgers, Panera, or anything else we venture out to try.  But usually, it is one thing:  Hanoori Town.

Hanoori town is a small “shopping plaza/food court” between the HMart and the Starbucks in Catonsville.  It is not big from the outside, but once you enter, it contains 3 different Korean “restaurants,” a shaved ice stand, a cell phone/jewelry stand, and a mammoth home goods store in the basement.  The home goods store is very Korean, meaning that if you desire a Kim Chi refrigerator, it’s the place to go!  And if you desire, say, cheap lunch, the food restaurants are definitely the best bargains.

On Saturdays and Sundays, everything is a la cart, but during the week, the sushi buffet it $11 for a huge selection of a sushi and an amazing salad bar. But the a la cart the food is amazing:  we consistently get bimbimbap ($8) in a sizzling casserole wih kim chi and soup and have tried lots of other dishes.  My favorite right now is a beef soup with stomach and intestine ($12), which sounds offaw/awful, but is extremely delicate without any bile-flavor.  It comes with rice and kim chi and is extremely soothing in cold weather, and for some reason, craveable when pregnant.  There are lots of other dishes that I have yet to try, but they are all very affordable– especially with the amount of food you get.

The shaved ice stand (Mango Berry) is also very good, although I think the 5.95? specialty ice is the way to go.  It’s so good in the summer and definitely something to share as it is HUGE.  Red beans, ice, condensed milk, mochi, fresh fruit– it’s divine!

I love Hanoori Town– it reminds me of the shopping centers in Taiwan– nothing fancy, but really affordable food and everything extremely fresh.  And as I don’t foresee the hubby and I moving anytime soon, I think it’s a tradition I will be sharing with my family.  At least until Chinese school starts.

Week 34.5: Hormones. They’re a Bitch.

Things I’ve learned this week:

1. Don’t go into a baby store in your third trimester without your husband.  No, seriously, just don’t.
2. Weight gain is universal in regards to baby making, as are mood swings.  How you handle them is key.  So even though you’re about to weep because the kawaii food/molded eggs are so cute, you shouldn’t.  Because the hormones doing it– the food is not that adorable.
3. Stop spending money.  You can do it, the hormones are not in control of your wallet.  Although, do buy a diaper pail.
4. When your husband tells his best buds that the hormones aren’t an issue, you are doing a good job with handling your hormones.
5. Even in whale form, your hubby will still love and desire you.
6. It’s okay to drop things and lose things, you are pregnant.  Crying will not help.
7. Self-inflicted guilt trips are the hormones talking to you.  You are not a bad daughter, wife, or incubator if you are a little selfish or lazy during pregnancy.
8. Take it easy.  There is much harder work ahead.
9. Get maternity clothing from moms getting rid of their maternity clothing.  It will save you hundreds.
10. Shave. More. Often. 

Week 34: Maybe This is a Sign

As some of you may know, I’ve decided to take the plunge and go the cloth diapering route after much debating and deliberation.  Most people have already told me that I was crazy, except for the ones that cloth diaper.  They’re the ones that tell me that it’s the better of the two ways of diapering, and I believe them– it’s healthier for the baby, it’s convenient, and clean.  I know it’s poop and other miscellaneous sundries going into my laundry, but I’ve never been a huge germaphobe and I don’t plan on becoming one anytime soon.  Especially since you run the diapers through hot water (120F) which is essentially BOILING water– which is how you sterilize bottles.  Just a thought.

So here I am today, after going to the doctor’s office, grocery shopping, picking up some used maternity clothes, starting dinner, and running a load of laundry, when a faint burning smell begins.  Like the kind of smell that reminds you of being in a lab while running an old MF-ing GC.  Or when a belt burns/breaks in your car.  Or something that reminds you of motor grease.  I didn’t think much of it until I tried to take the clothes out of the washer to dry– and there was water still in the tub.

My washer broke. 

One of my great friends Ed stopped over to check it out and help me move things and investigate the problem (my husband hadn’t come home yet, and really, Ed is much more handy) and told me that it appeared that I had a lint buildup, and hopefully the service man that is coming tomorrow will fix it.  (That happens?  Really?)  I’m hoping that is the case, or that it’s a burnt out belt, but I really don’t want to replace a pump.  I REALLY REALLY don’t want to– it would cost us about $400 to fix and we can get another combo set for the laundry for $1000.  Guess what I would go for?

Now I really don’t want to buy a new washer/dryer.  I like the mechanical one we have and I was hoping to save the money for a new sunroom/screened porch and fence and patio.  So this is kinda not in the plans for us financially… but I can’t help but think that maybe this is a sign.  You know, telling me this cloth diapering thing is not such a great idea.  And if it is a sign, should I get the new washer and dryer combo then, and wouldn’t that resolve my current diapering dilemma?  Hrm…

UPDATE:  $125 later, the washer is fixed, but the repair man has informed us to get a new one if it breaks again.  Which it will, and we will, so I’ll have to start doing some research now for a new washer.  Blech.  Obviously, now is not the best time to quit my job and start a bakery.

Week 33: Adventures with a Future Grandma– Labor and Breastfeeding Extravaganza!

My mother is crazy.

Not that this should surprise anyone, as most moms are just inherently crazy.  She just happens to be crazy in the most unconventional ways.  Or rather, she’s crazy in the Asian way.  You know, the way where she withholds information until the very end, like it’s a bribe.  Or her only way of getting you to call her (which btw, not only do I call her once a week, I tend to see her once a week too, so I don’t understand this craziness.)

For instance, after MONTHS of me asking her about her labor and her telling me she doesn’t remember, which initially didn’t surprise me, she suddenly “remembers” it.  Like it was yesterday.  The pain.  The pushing.  The “I think it was definitely under 8 hours” timing.  The pain.  The screaming that I will most likely do– “I hate you!  This is all your fault!”  The pain.  The being in a hospital and having no idea what was going on.  The pain.  She then told me that I was going to suffer and suck it up and oh, it was only about maybe definitely I think less than 8 hours of EXCRUTIATING pain and that I was doing it for my baby, for the family, for the homeland.  That she was so glad that I was having a child so that she could laugh at me.

Thanks.  Thanks a lot Mom.

Then she proceeds to elaborate on breastfeeding, which has been a mystery for me because she had been telling me for the past few months that breastfeeding for her was a tempermental thing.  That she wasn’t able to breastfeed after awhile.  So I was doing a lot of reading on what supplements to take to encourage breastfeeding for the past few months, fearful that I would have giant boobs without any functionality.  I definitely don’t have to worry anymore because she had NO PROBLEM making the milk, until she stopped breastfeeding to go back to work 4 weeks after giving birth.  (You think maternity leave in the US is bad, China and Taiwan are MUCH worse.)  So I have a fairly good chance of having no problem with breastfeeding provided I don’t return to work (which I won’t be working full time yet.) 

And get this:  her pregnancy, much like mine, was uneventful.  She ate a lot, got fat, and felt fine.  She was really happy to see that I was walking around and not feeling much different (except for BO, darkening, and mammoth exhaustion). 

Ugh.  The things you find out later.

She did give me a random suggestion– to get two bathtubs.  One for the dirty water and once for the clean water.  Now where the hell am I going to put two bathtubs in my 2 bedroom 1 bath rowhome?  Hrm?