I think I might be losing my mind. I’m exhausted. I lose track of time so easily and forget so many things every day. The stuff in our house keeps piling up and I’m just overwhelmed, even though in the back of my head I can accomplish everything but I can’t figure out what everything is anymore. It’s like my brain and my body are in a complete disconnect and my brain is being blinded by this haze, a fog of complete and utter exhaustion.
My eyes hurt. Sometimes I feel like I’m about to black out. I eat so much food every day, so many calories, but none of it seems to help me feel better. My body trembles and shakes and my arms and hands feel tingly. In fact, I always feel tingly. And did I mention I’m so, very very tired? And I keep losing weight (which should be a great side effect, but so few of my clothes fit now.)
My emotions are on overdrive, sometimes I’m elated, sometimes I hate everything and everyone and I just want to collapse and hide away from the world. This is not depression, I don’t want to die, I just want to sleep. Sleep. Sleep. And sleep some more. I want my brain to function. It’s like it’s slowly turning into mush.
I’m hoping the screening can be scheduled next week for my hyperthyroidism. I’m on hold right now with the scheduler– it’s been 30 minutes so far.
I didn’t know I could ever be more exhausted than what I was during pregnancy or just after Billy was born. But this, this… I really feel like my brain is dissolving. Billy is 14 months old and I can’t enjoy it, I just want to sleep through it.
